Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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