Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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