i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
