You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
