You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This toilet bowl is my home.
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