Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
