I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
