he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
