You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
