he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
