You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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