I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
