All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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