Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
