i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
