either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
