my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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