At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
