it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
