Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We don't watch enough power rangers
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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