I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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