My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
