And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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