this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
