I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
