Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When are your genitals available?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
