i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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