I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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