on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
