i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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