If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
