When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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