My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
