Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
