he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
