So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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