I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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