drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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