She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
