Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
