He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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