Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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