I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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