now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
