dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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