dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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