What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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