So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
