he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
