I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
