Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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